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I've written before about the benefits of friendships an autism, and I still much believe in those. Here's a reminder. https://www.beheardcommunications.com/the-benefits-of-friendship-and-autism  But let's talk about the problems. As an autistic, I accept the fact that I am not the easiest person spent in a friendship with, but on the other hand I am loyal to a fault. Here are three statistics that I think everyone should be aware of. 75% of autistic young people experience some form of bullying. 60% of autistics experienced some form of abuse in their lifetime. 25% of autistics have had money taken by a friend or family member. Which does partially explain why some autistics are scared of anyone getting too close to them, including myself. Autistics really try to fit into the world around them, and some always want to help people, which leaves us being open to being taken advantage of. This is why we often end up alone, which causes further mental health issues. So why? Why are we so susceptible to all these negative things? Firstly, we want to insistently believe anything that everyone says which leads to lots of problems and been taken advantage of when we can't tell if someone’s lying or joking or being manipulative. Sadly, there is nothing we can do to instantly remove this barrier from our lives, but we have to learn to be sceptical of those who we allow into our inner circle. All of which infuriates me. Why can we not just all be nice to one another? Why should those of us who are so trusting, have to put a guard up and protect who we are? So I have 3 rules. 3 rules I shouldn't have to need. But rules that are necessary for life. Firstly, if in my heart I feel. That something could be bad for me. Then I calmly distance myself and if someone tries to manipulate that, I shouldn't have to change my thoughts and feelings to fit in with someone else. Secondly, I should not and nor will I change who I am to please another person. Thirdly, if I feel that something is wrong and I don't feel like I can talk to them. I must talk to a trusted Something that has been said or done needs to be talked. About to confirm in my brain whether it is bad or not. If someone's help me, I can't talk about it to anyone. When it's something that negatively effects me, then it's probably wrong and I definitely should talk to someone that I trust and feel the need to do this no matter what the situation is. Neurodivergent and Proud Rebecca Bowyer

Advice for parents when your neurodivergent child is taking their exams Exam season is rapidly approaching in May. I know a while away, but it will be here before you know it. First thing, I want it if your team or young adult is taking everything out on you and the meltdowns and everything else that comes with. Being neurodivergent who is overwhelmed. But consider this a blessing. I know it sounds horrible they're taking it out on you, but actual fact, it's because they feel safe enough to be in who they are in front of you. I know it's hard. Take it as you've done some really right as a parent. Make sure you have all access arrangements in place. Do it now, but having these things in place will help your child succeed and often if barriered with bureaucracy. Make sure they're in place now to avoid stress later. Have a plan with the school them on June 4. What's going to happen before, after and during each exam? Where were they going? Which could be going to be at? Who is their support? If that's what they need, what's going to happen to ensure no surprises wherever possible? Where the child to now a fair and balanced revision timetable. Here is a template that I have used in the past. I suggest a topic and how and what you will revive it. For which exam? For which method are you going to use to get that information into your brain? For example, mind mapping, we consolidating notes, question practise or a mock exam paper. A plan for practise with the amount of time close any adjustments they're having in the real thing. Have plenty of downtime, Allow a lot of time to decompress with their special interests. It is very difficult and as a new divergent person we're going into a time frame there is not typical to the rest of the school yet. We need to account for that in advance. Remind them and yourself that these exams are not the end of the world. They can always retake all do an alternative qualification. Breathe. It will be OK. These exams are not the end of the world, no matter how much that education provider would tell you that. No matter what, it will be OK. Neurodivergent and proud. Rebecca Bowyer

Six facts I wish people understood about neurodiversity. 1. Being made to feel different does leave an impact. As you get older, you accept that difference does not mean less. But in childhood, adolescence and he natured especially differences, something you got ridiculed for and it has a negative effect on self-esteem overall. 2. Goals should enable, not disable. Only 30% of educators feel like they can successfully teach kids with the learning difference. And this is about thirty odd percent of the population, and that is not counting the kids that just learn a bit differently. We should not be setting kids up to fail by setting them goals at all. Never achieve a goal should be something to strive for, but not something that feels so far off that it is defeatist. 3. We must remove neurotypical expectations. We need to eliminate the idea that kids are required to be a certain way of Proficiency in a certain timeframe, Learning as a dancer, erase. It may go backwards, it may go forwards, but the kid will progress at the time they need to. And just because they are not performing by a biological age, that does not mean anything 'cause at schools we go off the age they should be in that year. But for example, myself in the UK, I am an August birthday, and I went to school six weeks after I turned 4. However, there were some kids that had turned five within two weeks of starting school. That is almost a full year’s age gap. There is going to be a difference. Be patient and realised that the whole class is not going to learn the same way. 4. We must take a growth mindset approach to anything in education. For example. A red pen is used to explain This like. For someone like me with dyslexia, the reinforcements feel like a failure when your page becomes more red than black. Let us keep the negativity. Although constructive feedback can be helpful, let us be constructive with how it has given. And getting someone to write the spellings out three times when there is sixty wrong spelled words on a page. Is nearly several hours work. And it is not because it is their fault. 5. Diversity must be understood, the language of broken and blame needs to stop. And if we can raise awareness of what it means to be neurodivergent alongside our strengths and abilities and the world is more. A new row inclusive place would be better for everyone. And let me clarify, the entire world is neurodiverse 'cause new diverse is made-up of neurotypical and neurodivergent. But not everyone is neurodivergent. 6. Celebrating the wins of a Neurodivergent individual and the neurodiverse community can have nothing but benefits to the world community, the economics of a country 'cause quite often we have solutions that not everyone else would have thought of. Neurodivergent and proud.

The fear that I carry and I wish I didn't have to… Here's a poem that I wrote about the fear that I carry. This weight, This weight that I carry, It's invisible to those around me. Is always there and until I am in a room, Just Ben and I. The dark side of my autism, That I hide from the world. The full blown meltdowns. The screaming, the shouting, the bursts of emotion. The thing that gets misunderstood always. It's a part of me. That I work to prevent. But scares me daily. The fear that weighs on me daily. But why? Because most don't understand. That leads to me being Put in a situation. A situation that scares me more than the meltdown itself. Nothing scares me more than being alone. Alone in a room full of strangers. that judged me. For a short time frame of my life. Not the person that I am. Just to reaction to being confused & over stimulated. The weight I carry. I hope one day the weight will be a little less. I hope one day a person like me, Will never have to pick up the weight, I have to carry.